So after years of living solely for the children; I got to have a night out and was looking for some action. Well, that was the intent. Figured it would make a change from trying to meet someone online where my relationship status = debit card declined on elite singles.
I think honesty is the key to flirting on a night out. If you can fake it, you’re in. Which is really hard when you don’t even know what the hell the music is that’s playing. Talk about out of touch and rusty! Anyway, least drinking Jack Daniels is still cool!
‘So what do you do then Paul?’, me ‘Well, I have a finger in a few pi…… (Brain: Paul! girls look for stability!)……I mean I work online!’ ‘Oh, you’re a geek?’ me ‘Ahem, yeah’. Annnnnnnd the conversation is dead. F**k (says brain).
The internet has killed my ability to hold a tenacious conversation in real time. I could type it no problem, but face to face – I couldn’t keep up. Someone needs to launch a dating training app – things to say, how to be interesting and confident etc. I don’t get it, 4st ago, I never used to have this problem?
When I was 16, I couldn’t wait to be 18, got to 18 and couldn’t wait to be 21 and get into everywhere. Now I am 43 and the only place I feel comfortable getting in is the gym. And I’m not putting the vibe out there!
The problem with internet dating is all the lying and consequent disappointment. I mean, I have introduced myself as ‘Hi, I’m Paul, from the internet’ on a date to someone who clearly had their profile picture taken in the last century and looks completely different in person. And it turns out they have not: climbed Everest, saved the world, enjoyed cooking Moroccan, are the centre of a huge giant circle of friends and have a perfect life. I’ve had a few helicopter lessons, but it doesn’t make me bloody Airwolf!
So I rely on my dry sense of humour, which I’m not sure is appropriate anymore: ‘So what are you looking for in a relationship?’ me ‘Oh I’m just looking to get my cracker-jacks whacked, to be honest!’ oops, aw-kw-ard.
The game has moved on! Sticking you’re buns out at the bar doesn’t work anymore. Any feedback and tips? – hit me up on twitter where I’m putting out the geek vibe!