posted in Pregnancy
Chances are, you remember Emily Mueller — the beekeeper mom whose maternity photo shoot of her baby bump covered in a swarm of honeybees went viral in August. I mean, this image is kind of hard to forget.
But these shocking photos had a bittersweet story behind them.
“When we decided to begin keeping bees, it was after our second miscarriage and during a time I needed something else to focus on emotionally,” the Ohio told BabyCenter in August. “I began to read a lot about bees and learned that they not only represent death but the beginning of a new life and I knew that is what I needed.”
Mueller became a full-time beekeeper after her second child was born — and she knew she wanted bees to be involved in her maternity photos when she became pregnant again. “I knew this was our last child by choice,” Mueller said. “We had suffered a third miscarriage prior to this one and I knew in my heart I wanted a maternity shoot that represented all of my children and my losses.”
Tragically, Mueller took to Facebook on Sunday to announce her baby boy had been born still. “It is with the most deepening sadness I share that our sweet Emersyn Jacob was born an angel yesterday at 10:18pm,” she wrote. “He weighed 7lb1oz and was 20.25in long. Please pray for us today and the days to come.”
The family learned that the baby’s heart had stopped beating just six days before Mueller’s due date. “Thursday I was so busy prepping for our upcoming event that I wasn’t paying attention to baby movement, but who truly does when you’ve been this far along 3 times before and everything has been completely normal,” she wrote Monday on Facebook. “By evening I began to realize I had not felt baby move much and had contractions that felt different than any I have had before.”
Mueller went to the hospital the following morning, at the suggestion of an on-call doctor with whom she spoke on the phone.
“The nurses put a monitor on me and tried to find a heartbeat. They moved it, added more gel, moved it again … found my heartbeat and put a monitor on my finger to compare the beats. They tried and tried. I finally asked them, you can’t find the heartbeat?” Mueller wrote on Facebook.
“The nurses tried comforting me, telling me to just wait as it seemed more and more of them came into the room. Tears streamed down my face and breathing started to become difficult. They asked for them to retrieve the Dr. on call. I remember his presence, his walk, the way he grabbed the gel from the nurse’s hand, the ultrasound. Every detail of that moment is forever sketched into my mind and I cannot stop replaying it. Dr. Sutter sat on my right side looking at the screen and turned to me and said, ‘Your baby has passed.'”
“I can’t and don’t want to explain that feeling to anyone,” she continued. “Turning to your husband and seeing him die inside. Seeing him completely break. Seeing your children feel and suffer your pain in front of your eyes. The pain is unbearable. The Dr. encouraged me to look at the screen and I wished I hadn’t. I wished I could remove the imagine in my mind of seeing the unbeating black, lifeless heart on the screen …
Our baby has died. Our baby will never come home with us. This wonderful rainbow baby we were blessed with has now become a storm in our lives.”
(To read Mueller’s full acount, read her Facebook post here.)
Hot tears are running down my cheeks as I read this heartbroken mom’s words about her sweet baby boy, Emerysn. There are no words. My thoughts are with this family as they grieve this unimaginable loss.
Has your family been touched by miscarriage and/or stillbirth?
Photos by Kendrah Damis Photography