posted in Parenting
No—not time for Christmas shopping and baking cookies. Time to take those photos for your Christmas cards that you’ll send out to everyone who really matters in your life. It may be the one time each year you actually put something in an envelope and mail it, so let’s make it count.
I’ve broken it down for all you parents out there too tired to even care.
Here’s your step-by-step game plan.
1. Peruse Instagram for 4.5 hours searching for the right family photographer.
2. Message said photographer.
3. Locate a tiny sliver of time on your calendar for a photo session.
4. Forget to tell your spouse you scheduled said photo session.
5. Remember that you forgot to tell your significant other and discreetly place photo shoot on family calendar.
6. Casually hint about upcoming photo shoot over dinner and pretend that you have all known all along.
7. Browse your kids closet to locate the perfect coordinating outfits.
8. Look at your own closet and realize you have nothing that looks half as nice as what they have and you’ll need to find something to wear.
9. Spend 30 minutes looking for a sweater on Amazon.
10. Decide it’s the wrong color and head to the mall.
11. Dart into H&M quickly and buy 3 sweaters without even trying them on (because let’s get real, you can just return them if they suck.)
12. Realize you have four conflicting events on the day of your photo shoot.
13. Make some calls and move things around to allow just enough time to get everyone ready and smiling.
14. Prep everything the night before your shoot day.
15. For the love of God, wash your hair.
16. Freak out because your kid has no actual shoes to wear on his actual feet for this actual photo shoot.
17. Make a late-night trip to target for some shoes.
18. Get lost in the lipstick aisle and forget why you came to Target.
19. Impulse buy $150 of stuff you absolutely don’t need.
20. Remember the shoes at the very last minute and locate the perfect pair.
21. Remind your spouse just before bed that the photo shoot is tomorrow.
22. Artfully dodge questions about when this was last mentioned in a real-life conversation.
23. Finally get everyone dressed and ready for picture time
24. Spend more time than usual making yourself look “put together” so everyone will think you are put together IRL.
25. Notice a familiar stench right as you are about to walk out the door to take photos.
26. Change a blow out diaper that could have derailed all of your plans, but did NOT—thankfully.
27. Tell your children if they please smile real deal, not fake, cheesy smiles, they can have candy or ice cream or maybe even both!
28. Sit, stand, smile and juggle a baby for 25 minutes while you repeat “cheeeeese” through your teeth.
29. Realize that you are so freaking tired nothing even matters anymore.
30. Order pizza and demand that everyone put on their pajamas for a movie night.
31. Ugly cry about how much your kids have changed in the last year when you see the proofs for the first time.
32. Forget to order Christmas cards.
33. Remember to order Christmas cards.
34. Forget to put the actual cards in the actual mailbox to be sent to your actual friends.
35. Post your family photos on Instagram with a sentimental message about these people you adore so much and can’t live without.
Photos by Tausha Ann Photography