5 things I bumped into with my baby bump (including my kids)

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posted in Pregnancy

I was not one of those people you barely realize is pregnant before they have their baby. I gained 1/3 of my body weight and most of it was straight in the belly. I continually got asked why I hadn’t had my baby when I was obviously 13 months pregnant. I had a babyyyyyy bump. And, since it was a temporary extremity, I was continually hitting things with it. Below, in no particular order, are several things I knocked over with my pregnant belly.

1.) Our china.

Every time I rounded the corner in our house, I hit the china cabinet with my belly. Every. Time. You’d think I’d learn, or that I would at least pack up the china, but I did not until after I sent a teacup and a few other things crashing to the ground.

2.) My toddler. 

Yep. Several times, I turned around and whapped him on the side of the head with my baby bump. Fortunately, at that point, he was still wearing Pull-Ups and had some padding when he landed on his rear.

3.) The tchotchkes of my inlaws.

My inlaws own this adorable bungalow in Santa Monica. It is less than 1,000 square feet, which means even now I am a menace in there. When I took up extra space I wasn’t used to — I was a nightmare. I knocked over candlesticks and picture frames. I narrowly missed sending their dishes plummeting to the ground. I broke things I still haven’t told them about (so…shhhhhh!). 

4.) My steering wheel.

My belly was big enough to make driving somewhat problematic. I really had to stretch to get my arms up there to the wheel. And I’m still cursing the person who parked so close to my driver’s side that I had to climb in the back of my car and over the seat so I could get home…when I was 8 months pregnant.

5.) My husband.

OK, he thought it was funny. I’d accidentally bump into him, and he’d stick his own belly out like a Teletubby and rub it against mine because romance is not dead in our house. Weirdo.

You guys have some hilarious stories of your own about things you’ve hit with pregnant bellies. My favorite may have been the mom who was house hunting and accidentally hit the real estate agent.

You know what really messes with you, though? By the time you have your baby, you actually get used to the baby bump…and then you go to turn around, expecting it to take much longer and be much harder than it is…and promptly knock yourself off balance. I swear, the reason I’m so clumsy today is because, after four kids, I had to adjust and readjust to how much space my body takes up eight different times.

Good luck out there, mamas.

Images by Laura Falin.

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