posted in Parenting
One day you will go through this box of memories. Your hospital bracelet. Footprints. A lock of hair from your first trim. And baby clothes. Special baby clothes.
You may wonder why I saved these. Each has a different reason. One is what you wore home from the hospital. Another is what you had on when you took your first steps. This trio of onesies was saved for a very different reason.
I can remember them.
Right now your dad and I are preparing to pack and move to our new home. But first we have to take apart the house to go through everything. Everything. We have to choose what to save. What to give away. It’s not easy to dig through your life’s possessions.
The hardest, by far, is parting with your baby items. Clothes. Toys. The tiny bassinet in which you slept at the foot of our bed. For months it was your haven, your cocoon. I see it and immediately want to reach out my arms to pick you up as a newborn all over again.
We held onto it for a bit because we weren’t sure if you’d have a sibling who’d need it. It was one of the hardest decisions your dad and I ever made. Ultimately we decided our family was already the perfect number. There will be no more babies. Yet I continued to hold on. Because I could. I gave some things to friends, but didn’t let go of the rest.
Now I have no choice. The time has come and so we part.
I must say goodbye to that bassinet.
The walker that helped you scoot around the house.
The toys you once loved.
And the clothes that look miniature compared to the size you are today.
Your baby gear is going to friends and neighbors. Some of your clothes have been passed along, much is being donated. I went through to pick out pieces I want to keep. Some to turn into a quilt, others to save because I need them. Like that coming home outfit.
These three onesies aren’t fancy. You didn’t mark a milestone while wearing them. But I insisted we keep them. Because I remember them.
You see, baby, I lost a lot of time. Memories weren’t made. I had a fog all around me and I’d give anything to go back and hold that tiny baby in my arms once again. You. So new, so small. Neither of us knew what we were doing but our bond was unbreakable. We had each other, then and now.
I can’t go back. We move forward each day, both of us growing. If I dwell too much on then I won’t appreciate now. And every moment with you is so special, so important. I want to be present.
But memories of the ones we love are important too. And I don’t have enough with you at the beginning.
I cling to what I can. These I remember. Maybe from photos, maybe from flashes of clarity that cut through that darkness. Whatever the reason, I can close my eyes and see you wearing these.
So these I kept. That’s why they are in your memory box. Because I can remember these onesies.
For more mom moments, follow me on Instagram at Witty Otter.
Did you save any baby clothes? Were there special reasons you saved some?
Images by Becky Vieira