Wedding experts’ advice for navigating tricky situations that could leave loved ones feeling left out in the cold.
Q: How can couples clearly communicate to guests that they cannot bring a plus-one?
A: “I encourage my clients to reference etiquette but also adjust it to work for them. They know their guests best and how subtle or direct they need to be. Subtle wording on the invitations, like ‘We have reserved ___ seats in your honor’ or ‘Number of adult guests attending,’ can usually do the trick, but addressing the envelopes to specific people or using more direct wording on the website can help get the point across as well. The more information and variety of places, the better!” —Jen Rios, After Yes Weddings
Q: How should a couple tell a friend or family member who might expect to be invited to a wedding that they are not?
A: “Trying to explain why someone is not invited to a wedding can be difficult and, in some situations, even hurtful. I recall not being invited to a good friend’s daughter’s wedding. My friend explained that her daughter only invited a few friends and that she, the mother of the bride, honored her daughter’s wish. I still care for my friend and although I was not happy, I did understand.
In most cases, it is best to keep any personal feelings out of the conversation. Also, I have found honesty to be the best practice. Some possible explanations are: Our venue has limited seating; my fiancé’s guest list was larger, so we had to limit our invitees; or our budget was limited, and therefore we had to limit our guest list. If there is a toxic relationship, I would talk directly to the person, explaining that I could not bear any drama at the wedding.” —Marsha Ballard French, Weddings by StarDust
Q: How can you make sure family members and in-laws feel included in the wedding-planning process?
A: “Invite them to tastings, or let them join a venue or showroom appointment. If you have a foodie in the family, consider letting them pick an hors d’oeuvre to serve at cocktail hour. Your family’s go-to host will love being in the room as you craft some tabletop or layout design details. Including them in the tangible elements of your wedding is a great way to make them part of the process. You may receive advice or feedback you don’t want to consider; kindly thank them for their input. You don’t have to use it. Always use your best judgement when choosing who to bring to an appointment. You want to be inclusive while enhancing the experience for both of you. If you feel opinions will be too strong during a certain meeting, choose a different vendor meeting that will have less conflict or stress.” —Megan de Farcy, Taylor Event Co.
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