I went on a trip without my kids and I did NOT miss them

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posted in Parenting

Since having kids, I have never spent a single night child-free. But that all changed last week. My husband and I had 3 glorious nights away for the first time in FIVE WHOLE YEARS.

And it was the stuff of dreams.

We stayed up late talking with friends and watching Game of Thrones. We had long, lingering brunches. We traveled light without the strollers, car seats, and baby wipes. I even carried a small cross-body purse.

I thought: Someone pinch me.

I enjoyed the most mundane activities like standing in line at Starbucks. It was amazing not answering one million questions about all the things in the whole wide world.

I will be honest, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to click out of mom-mode.

I was worried I would miss them so much I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself. I was worried I would be worried the whole time.

But when we got to the airport, we had so much time before our flight (it’s amazing how quickly you can move kid-free). So I snuck in a pedicure and manicure with my favorite podcast and one of those massage chairs.

That was enough to put me right into vacation mode.

I was afraid to Facetime my kids who were staying with my mom. I had heard stories of kids breaking down over Facetime and I just didn’t want to deal with all that guilt on my vacation. But my husband insisted we try it.

They were 100 percent fine. Happy, even. They loved spending time with my mom who was spoiling them.

There were very few tears shed in our absence. None of the things I feared happened.

Do you remember that weightless feeling you had before kids?

When you would wake up and the entire day was yours? You could literally do whatever you wanted. I had forgotten that feeling.

I had forgotten that feeling.

While we were away, it was as if my husband and I were visiting our life before children. I felt like a time-traveler in a sacred land.

Until this trip, I didn’t realize how quickly I move through my days. I rush from the moment I get up in the morning until bedtime. I was expending so much emotional energy every single moment so I could maximize my productivity while parenting effectively.

That time away provided me with so much clarity. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought I would come back feeling rested, but I didn’t foresee this renewed perspective.

Now, I’m trying to move through each day at a well-measured pace. These days with small children are marathons, not sprints. I got into the habit of rushing all the time and the seconds I save are not worth it.

I’m organizing my days much better and I’m learning new ways to incorporate rest and relaxation. I’m putting my phone away more too. It’s a time suck and emotionally draining. I can’t go back to the hectic life I created before.

Even though I didn’t miss my kids at all, I was so happy to come home to them. That weightless, child-free feeling is euphoric, but I live a life tethered to this earth by these two precious children. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.