It's not my job to talk other women into having kids

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posted in Life

I have four children.

I love them all more than my own life. I can’t imagine this world without each of them. They are incredibly fascinating, quirky, brilliant people (who, me? Biased? Whaaaaat?)

People assume that because I’m tripping over children wherever I go, I must want them to have some, too. I will say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. But I get that it’s not for everyone and that’s okay.

I also see a lot of warnings about not asking couples if they plan to have children because you don’t know the private struggles they may be having. Perhaps they desperately want children but can’t. I agree. It’s terribly tacky to nag other people about having kids. Not just because you don’t know their medical history, but also because…maybe they just don’t want them.

Kids are hard. They yell. They’re sticky. Sometimes they smell funny. They’re frustrating and they move fast and they ask questions I don’t know the answer to. They require an entire restructuring of the lives they touch the most — do you work or stay home? If you do work, what do you do with them? Do you move to a place with better schools? Do you homeschool?

Suddenly, no one can go out at night or do much charity work or travel. Parents are making career sacrifices and relationship sacrifices…and it’s all worth it when you know in your heart that you were meant to have these children. But what if you don’t? It’s perfectly okay to say that you don’t want to give those things up to have kids instead. In fact, I think parents of all people ought to realize that not everyone should have kids. It’s not a character flaw. It’s just people, in all our wonderful diversity, being suited for different things on this planet. Thank goodness.

So sweet. So adorable. So. Much. Work.

So let’s stop telling people who don’t want kids what a mistake they’re making. Let’s stop telling them they don’t know what love is until they have children. They do, I promise they do. They even love my children, which is sometimes hard when you’re not related to them (okay, even when you are related to them…).

And a special “thank you” to those childless adults who come alongside us and our kids and help us with the hard things. We know you don’t have to do that. But we’re so glad you do.

Images by Laura Falin

The post It’s not my job to talk other women into having kids appeared first on BabyCenter Blog.

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